Customers will be glad to know that our new insurance cards are now honored by pharmacies all over Canada.

We are happy to report that our diesel engines passed every EPA emissions test with flying colors.

Next week the location of office thermostats is being changed; they will be placed near doorways.

We are proud to announce our new line of impact-resistant, lightweight laptop computers.

I'm delighted to hear of your much-deserved promotion to Unit Manager; congratulations!

All gear, including sleeping bag, food, and eating utensils, is provided in a pre-packed backpack at the trail head.

The "you attitude" will serve you well in professional writing. You'll find that people will respond well to it. Use it liberally.

Positive Tone
A good professional writer uses a positive tone whenever possible. That's just good business sense, isn't it? It's not hard to maintain a positive tone when you are congratulating folks or discussing an exciting opportunity or conveying good news of some kind. But how do you do it when the news is bad, or when you must reprimand someone or deliver a warning or make an urgent request?

Before I offer guidelines about this, let me make it clear that I'm NOT saying you should "beat around the bush" in any of these situations. Direct, clear language should always be your trademark. However, you don't want your tone to be brutal, abrupt, disgusted, superior, or enraged.

Here are guidelines for communicating negative messages:

1. Preface the bad news with the most positive and encouraging (legitimate) words you can.

Not this:
This letter is to inform you that you didn't win a Blakely Scholarship; we had to work our way through many submissions, and the scholarships went to the most highly qualified applicants.

But this:
Thanks very much for your fine application to the Blakely Scholarship. Competition for the scholarships was very tough this year, and unfortunately we had to turn down many excellent applications, yours among them.

2. Avoid negative, insulting words.

Not this:
Your accounting report is riddled with errors; maybe that's because you are ignorant of the latest figures that have come in from Washington. We'll have to meet and get you straightened out.

But this: Some new figures have come in from Washington that will significantly impact the accounting report; let's get together to discuss the changes and generate another report.

3. Explain the bad news and (if possible) tell the reader about some alternative.

Not this:
Even though Microsoft Word 5.1 won't work with OS 9, which you recently bought from Apple Computer, we can't let you return the disk for a refund. There's nothing wrong with the disk, and you already opened the package and loaded the software onto your computer. If anything actually does go wrong with OS 9, you can call our tech support at 1-800-215-8888.

But this:
We're sorry that our OS 9 for Macintosh won't run older versions of MS Word (such as Word 5.1, a favorite of many users). OS 9, which makes your iMac such a powerful tool, isn't backwards compatible with many applications. Even so, since you've opened the disk package and loaded the software, we can't refund your money. We will certainly stand by our product, however, and give you all the technical support we can (just dial 1-800-215-8888). If you decide to try a more recent version of MS Word--Word '98 or later--you'll find that OS 9 will run it smoothly.

4. Make your reprimands or demands as civil as possible (keep your cool). This may require a little more verbiage than usual. It's worth it.

Not this:
Fred, working conditions in your wing are horrible! The floors are oily, handrails are loose, machinery is too crowded. And the stink is disgusting. I'm amazed we haven't had more injuries over there. I'm amazed that I myself, and our clients, didn't come out of your wing on stretchers or attached to oxygen tanks. What a pigsty! What kinds of slobs are you over there?? I'm giving you notice right now that I'm not bringing any more clients over to view your operations, nor am I myself going to set foot in your wing until you get your act together.

But this:
Fred, thanks for the tour of your wing that your assistant gave us last Friday. But I have to level with you: the clients I brought over didn't come away with a good impression of working conditions over there. More than one of them slipped on the oily floor and had to grab for a handrail--and then the handrails were shaky! A couple of them complained about the odor, too. To be perfectly honest, I myself was watching my step on the oily floor, grabbing (without much confidence) for handrails, and holding a handkerchief over my nose during most of the tour. I know conditions in that wing are hard to control (especially the smell), but we've got to do better. I think it best to keep clients away until we've had a chance to address these problems.

Exercise #2
Give the following sentences a tonal makeover (negative to positive).

We won't send you the materials until we make sure your check clears.

The print run won't be ready until Monday because we had to rework some of the poorer designs in the pamphlet.

Your account is delinquent. We've sent you several notices, and this is your last chance. If you don't pay up by the final deadline of February 10, you'll be hearing from our collection officer and this will become a legal matter.

Neither you nor any other members of your documentation group may use the CAD-CAM computer lab during maximum usage hours (10 a.m. to 5 p.m., MWF). The lab is strictly reserved during those hours for our company's hardware engineers.

Mr. Jones: My subcontractor told me that when he broke through into your original structure, the subfloor on the addition we've built onto your house is 2 inches too high. That is most emphatically NOT our fault; we worked from the specs and measurements you yourself gave us, and in fact we used a laser instrument to make sure we conformed to your directions. If you want any changes at this point, you'll have to pay for them.

John, everybody--especially me--thinks the meeting you "organized" for the software project was a disaster! In the first place, the conference room wasn't ready for a meeting. It was really looking sloppy. Are you aware that we have a thing called "custodial services" in this building, and that they need to be CALLED sometimes to make sure a room is ready for an event?

But that was a comparatively minor problem. Your biggest boo-boo was that you hadn't advertised the meeting well and were NOT PREPARED. People drifted in and out, unsure of your agenda (if indeed you had one); your PowerPoint presentation stunk--what did you spend putting it together, all of 5 minutes?!--and your obscene t-shirt was in dismally bad taste; it offended everybody in the room, I'm sure. So organize a good meeting, and come prepared and dressed to lead a meeting, or just don't call one at all, OK?!?

Formal & Informal Tone
As with every aspect of style, your choices depend very much upon your analysis of the rhetorical situation you face. Basically, you must craft your manner of communication based upon the nature of your audience (readership) and your goals in communicating with that audience.

Some communication goals are best advanced by a formal tone, some by an informal tone, some by a tone falling somewhere in between. We don't have time to consider every point along the spectrum, so let's just consider points somewhere out near either end of it: formal and informal tone.

Here are some guidelines for establishing a formal tone:

o Use jargon and "big words" (judiciously, of course)
o Let your sentences range from short and simple to long and complex
o Use formal titles (Doctor, Professor, Mr., Mrs., Counselor, Representative, Supervisor, etc.)
o Use respectful language
o Qualify your statements (as appropriate)
o Avoid contractions
o Avoid sentence fragments
o Avoid slang
o Avoid exclamation points
o Avoid humor

As you might expect, the guidelines for informal tone are pretty much the reverse:

o Avoid jargon and big words
o Don't let your sentences range into the "long and complex" zone.
o Avoid formal titles; use first names--even nicknames, if appropriate
o Don't worry much about qualifying your statements
o Use contractions
o Use sentence fragments (where appropriate)
o Use exclamation points (")
o Use slang (")
o Use exclamation points (")
o Use (tasteful) humor

Let's practice toggling back and forth between formal and informal tones.

Exercise #3
Determine the tone of each passage (formal or informal) and rewrite it in the opposite tone. Use your imagination!

Clean our your cubicles, mates! Tape foam padding over any sharp corners! The OSHA troopers will be landing in our D.C. offices at 9:00 a.m. next Thursday (March 29).

Chuckles has a corn-cob up his nose about the Jones contract. We'd better crank that sucker out by Friday, or the fit's gonna hit the shan!

Doctor Hardbrow, who teaches Clinical Psychiatry at The University of Washington, Seattle, will moderate a panel about the behavior of incarcerated criminals.

I include herewith the contractual documents we discussed (Equipment Standards, Gauge Standards, and Die Standards); they have been significantly improved and are now prepared for transmittal to all relevant Department Heads, Division Heads, and Vice Presidents.

Victor and his council cronies are mulling over your proposal. They'll make up their minds by July 15 (next council meeting). We'll let you know what they decided right after that.

Research of the Oak Ridge National Laboratory Wildlife Contamination Monitoring Team includes the lifetime average chronic dietary dose of polychlorinated biphenyl to individual mink and great blue heron feeding from the Clinch River-Watts Bar Reservoir system and the steady-state polychlorinated biphenyl concentrations in individual embryonic great blue heron.

You'll get all your traps and maps from the gypsy moth folks in the state Ag department. Traps are numbered, and those numbers are also marked on the topo maps you'll get. The moth gurus will teach you how to assemble the traps and use the maps; don't panic! You'll love putting together the traps and then finding just the right place for them out in Mother Nature's back yard. Strap on your snake-proof leggings--courtesy of Ag dept.--and get ready for a good time!